If you are single, like me, you will probably agree with these 5 things not to say to your single friend. You can also probably give me at least one more example of things not to say to your single friend. We (single people) don’t go around asking how your marriage/relationship is. So why is it ok to ask single people about their relationships or not so relationships.
I have recently been watching the TV series Sex and the City and this has inspired this blog. Mainly because they are strong independent women who don’t need a man. They like the idea of having one but it is always on their terms and with mutual benefits. At this time, I can honestly say I am quite happy being single. There are both pros and cons of being both single and in a relationship but that’s a blog for another time. So here are 5 things not to say to your single friends.
1. Is there a boyfriend/girlfriend in the picture?
Even if there was (random family friend that I hardly know) I wouldn’t be telling you all about it. I think what makes this one even worse is after you say no they follow this up with; “Well not to worry there are plenty of fish in the sea.”
Asking someone if there is anyone in the picture is basically a reminding them that they are single. Everyone is on their own path and it doesn’t matter whether you meet someone at the age of 16 or not until your 61. It really has nothing to do with anyone else.
2. Have you tried online dating?
If you read my previous blog Why the unwritten rules of dating suck then you will know that I have tried online dating. Also we’re in a pandemic which means we can’t go anywhere to meet anyone. On that note, if another pensioner tells me; “Well in my day I just went to the dance and that’s where I met the love of my life…”. If only we lived in the 19th-century, when debutantes are presented to the court and it’s all about the dances and the gowns! For anyone who hasn’t seen Bridgerton this reference means nothing!
We’re not in Bridgerton – 5 things not to say to your single friend
Online dating isn’t for everyone. It can be quite daunting to put yourself out there. Even just setting up your profile can take ages, mainly because you sort of have to boast about yourself (a bit like a job interview) without coming across as cocky (also the same as a job interview). This point also covers “I can set you up with…”. Personally I think this would be much worse than online dating. At least with online dating you can filter through and decide if you want to meet them after chatting for a while rather than being sent on a blind date knowing nothing.
3. You should try a new hobby
To be completely honest with you I think I have enough hobbies as it is. Also most of my current hobbies (knitting, crocket, sewing) are kinda female things. Not that there is a problem with guys partaking in them but just I am unlikely to meet a guy at these. Then the hobbies that the guys I have liked in the past include gaming (excuse my yawning), kayaking (I hate water), climbing (I can and will do this one but I wouldn’t say it’s my favourite). You get the point, I am willing to try things with someone but would I really want to do it just to maybe meet someone no I wouldn’t!
I do understand why people say this to me. It makes sense that you want to meet someone who likes similar things to you. However also opposites attract and all that jazz! Why should I have to take up something new to meet the one while also as it says in the next point not be looking to find someone? Talk about confusing?
4. When you stop looking it will just happen
I think this one might be up there with the most annoying thing people can say to you when you are single! What makes you think I am looking? Yes in the past I have tried online dating but right now I am not, the chances of me finding “The ONE” is pretty slim. As I currently only leave my house to go food shopping once a week, maybe a trip to the library, or a walk to the park (where everyone is already a couple and got cute dog babies together).
I know that when people say this they are trying to be reassuring that I will meet someone. But all it does is make me as a single person feel like I have been desperate. Which isn’t actually true. The best thing I have said to this is “I’ll stop wearing my glasses out”. Fun part is I don’t even wear glasses. Also for anyone wondering it is perfectly ok to look for a partner. It is also absolutely fine to be single!
5. Who wouldn’t want to date you? Maybe you’re being too picky
There are two major issues with this one. Firstly are you actually indirectly saying there is something wrong with me? And secondly maybe I am picky! I do have some things that I don’t want when looking for a partner. That’s ok though, as long as they’re not so extreme that you take out every possible dating candidate.
By asking this of your single friends all you are doing is making them doubt themselves. This can lead to them dating someone who isn’t right for them and you then wondering why have they settled for that person. When people say this I usually reply with something sassy like “no one can handle all of this!”
So, that’s my 5 things not to say to your single friends
I know that when people ask me about my love life they are trying to show an interest in my life. However there are better things to ask. For example, even a simple question like, “Anything new in your life?”. This gives me the choice to tell you about someone if I want to and if I don’t that’s ok too. If you can’t think of a nicer way of asking a single person about their love life, I recommend avoiding the topic. I know that, with all my single friends, when they want to tell me about someone new (or ongoing) they will let me know.
For those of you that are single (or not) I would love if you would leave a comment with any other suggestions of things we as single people don’t want to hear! As always thanks for reading, don’t forget to check out my other blogs and subscribe below so you get notified when I next share.